The Whole “Model” Theory

A casual weekend coffee conversation with my wife reminded me of a very interesting tête-à-tête I’d come across during my train travel days in Mumbai. The actors were two young boys, hardly out of college. One of them was bragging about his corporate knowledge through all the corrupt practices and how he can read through certain decisions made by the then famous conglomerates.

The other friend, obviously bewildered asked him out of curiosity, “How do you know all this?”

The friend blurted in an “as a matter of fact” tone, “My father’s a judge in corporate law”.

To this, the other guy retorted by saying, “So is my boss. He judges everyone in an instant”.

This exchange, I’d heard almost a decade ago, stands true even today. Not just our bosses, almost everyone, including us have become a “Judge” in our own way. We pass our judgments at every possible occasion. Right from the decisions taken by a cricket captain, to the policies (whatever meager) that are being doled out of the parliament; From the severity of a punishment to a random driver overtaking us on a busy road.

The point is we’re judged as much as we judge. There are many behavior patterns associated with this seemingly normal practice. It starts to hurt when these precarious judgments finds it's way in our decisions.

Data point collection is one thing. Profiling is another. But mixing this with our value system to form an opinion is where it gets dangerous. I’m saying this because to each, his value system is what is CORRECT. Obviously, that’s why one follows it.

This disturbing act has firmly found its footing in our sub-conscious mind. And when we act, there is some part of our brains, trying to process this exact thing from other people’s perspective. The people whom we “think” we know. The objective is to ensure our act is appreciated and that somehow we become a role model. I know of many people who live a strenuous life battling this behavior.

Let’s take GOD as our example. Here, I mean the God of Cricket, Sachin Tendulkar. When he first played against Pakistan at the age of sixteen, he was not carrying a burden. He was out there to do what he enjoyed the most. The more he scored, the more the pressure built. And what is this pressure? It’s the pressure of being a role model, not just in cricket but in all aspects of life. Every little detail of his (for that matter any public figure’s) life gets discussed and judgments are passed on. We may well remember these conversations ourselves, e.g., his marriage to a lady elder to him, his choice of endorsements; his supposed hunger for creating records and finally to his retirement. He was no more enjoying playing cricket but was under severe pressure of being judged by everyone around. We all go through this, albeit with a lower intensity.

Ever wondered why superheroes have an alter ego?

Roelant Oltmans, the interim coach for the Indian Hockey team told his team, “If you feel the pressure, give it to me. I will take it. You just play hockey”. I guess he re-iterated something so basic, that mankind has forgotten. We all need to simply give our pressures to our respective faith (God, Allah, Bhagwaan or ourselves) and focus on ENJOYING LIFE.

I’ve begun this journey. Without judging me, will you join me?